Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

Some mornings you wake up and think, gee I look handsome today. Other days I think, what am I doing in the movies? I wanna go back to Ireland and drive a forklift.

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.

Ireland sober is Ireland stiff.

That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way?