Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.