I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.