Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

It's silly talking about how many years we will have to spend in the jungles of Vietnam when we could pave the whole country and put parking stripes on it and still be home by Christmas.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas.