Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.