God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.