It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.