Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.