I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.