Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.