My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.