A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.