Steven Wright
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How young can you die of old age?
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.