Steven Wright
  • I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

  • If God dropped acid, would he see people?

  • I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

  • I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  • When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'