Steven Wright
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'