Demetri Martin
  • But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me.

  • I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

  • But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.

  • I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

  • If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!