Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.