Henny Youngman
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If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
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I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.