The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.