Steven Wright
  • There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

  • When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

  • Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

  • I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

  • I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.