Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.