George Carlin
  • The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

  • Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

  • Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

  • Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  • Electricity is really just organized lightning.