George Carlin
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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.