Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.