It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.