Joan Rivers
  • Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

  • I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  • I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  • If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

  • Never floss with a stranger.