Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.