W. C. Fields
  • I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  • I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

  • I like children - fried.

  • Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

  • I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.